Bah I dunno anymore.

[iaxa]

hmmms. i dont know anymore. as the date is moving towards when i move i am gettign worried but i need this so badly i need my fresh start but there is a little voice in my head saying dont go yet there is a bigger voice saying run you gutless fuck run away all your good at. i have not eaten a proper meal in days i have been sick too much i got a fuck load of assignments due in and i dont know where to start. i was known for my good grades, basketball and computer games but lately i cant seem to find my "mojo" in any them. i dont know what it is but i can tell all hell is about to break out. i have been literally been beating my self up. every night i hit myself in my stomach and hard. i dont know why i do it prehaps i am tryign to teach myself a lesson but i cant seem to figure it out. i keep hoping that moving is my answer which i hope it is. but there is this thing with my family most have made a living out of being a tradesman. they were all smart but at some point in there life they did something wrong and they end up in a back breaking jobs. when my grandfather died i swore that would not be me. i swore that i would not be the one t oget stuck in a trade. i had such high hopes with the grades i was pulling last year i was going to be a doctor or a software programmer now it looks like i am heading towards working as a cleaner or somethign stupid like that. i refuse to go down without a fight but i feel like i have already lost. i need some hope or something t oget me through this i need somethign to inspire me to stop typing and get in and do my work but i even as i type i cant seem to find any motovation. meh anyways i needa get that off my chest.

[Gemrlou]

Sounds like your having a really rough time, but you've even said yourself in that post that you know you can do these things, you can achieve the aspirations you want.
It sounds like this move will do you good, give you a chance to start a clean, fresh page. You can leave everything thats bothering you behind and begin again. I wish I could do that at this point in time.
Everyone needs a new setting once in a while, it does a person the world of good.
I assume you will be starting a new school or college or whatever when you move, giving yourself the chance to be who you want to be and do what you want to do.
If you don't want to be a tradesman, then don't. You said you have the grades, therefore do something with them.
Perhaps the move will give you more motivation to do what you want to in life.


There are lots of people who would give a lot of things to be in your position.
Make the most of it.

Good luck with everything.
:)

[Sweetest.x.Sin]

Sorry about your Grandfather.
And sometimes we do go through all these depressing things. That happened to mein School too, except I was hardly good at anything and then I dropped out and I was and still am quite happy with that although alot of other people think it's bad but whatever fuck them I'm a Rebel that's the way I am.
I don't advise you to drop out, you haven't lost this fight yet just continue to come back harder with better shit, just try and concentrate on what needs to be concentrated on and stop thinking pesimistically because then everything comes out the opposite way you want it to, try starting to eat better because the reason you are getting sick is because you aint eating probably, and trust me you don't want to be too skinny and unhealthy with your stomach all caved in like me, and you could be getting sick because you are hitting yourself in the stomach. And that's retarded, stop that. That's why your stomach hurts, too.
I hope things get better for you, just try to hang in there work through these problems, sometimes they pass on their own and things usually get better with time but life throws shit at us sometimes, and we sometimes have to deal with it. It sucks, but there you go.

[iaxa]

yeah. the thing that is botherign me the most is when i move. it scares me i have made soem wicked friends and i dont know what to do about them they keep on seeing me as some person who can work out problems and has always been able to land on my feet atm i feel like i took a leap of faith and it was to big of a leap and i crushed my my feet. today they wanted give a going away party but i dont want one it is just going to make things harder they dont listen it will make leaving so much harder.

[Kate]

I really don't know what to say sweet pea :(
But, ever since i started talking to you more, i've actually seen a really funny, nice, weis bar munching chappy, and i'm not suprised your friends are going to miss you and want to give you a going away party.
Maybe it is right to go and get a new start in things, maybe once you've gone, you'll get new mojo. I don't think it is running away, i think that you've ran out of mojo and need to top up.
Its like when you start a new thing, or a new year/grade in school, you have motivation to do well. Maybe a big thing like this will give you the motivation you need ey.
And shiz boy, when i eventually meet your woggy little ass i'l get my not-so-pimp hand out on you, bitch :p :)

[Emmax22]

aww, baby cakes. =(
i know it must be really hard, but maybe a new start is what you need.
its gonna seem hard now, i know.
but im sure things will start looking up.
xoxo

[iaxa]

thanks guys. i am holding out atm on grades still but it is getting there. i am getting even more scared as the day comes closer all i can hope is that it will be the change i need and will give me an idea on what on want to do when i am older. *hopes to fucking god that i find it out lol* or else tis off to the army for me...

[Kate]

thanks guys. i am holding out atm on grades still but it is getting there. i am getting even more scared as the day comes closer all i can hope is that it will be the change i need and will give me an idea on what on want to do when i am older. *hopes to fucking god that i find it out lol* or else tis off to the army for me...

:(
Eeeeeeeeeee.
Get your woggy ass little curly haired minge faced nob jocky on msn now gayboy.

[iaxa]

lol soz i stood you up last night rofl. i had to bust out in maths c and b twas "hardcore" and stress full

[Kate]

Lmfao! Oof, no worries, didnt even realise lol. Why the hell do you do that Maths C, it just sounds like a ginormous waste of time?

[iaxa]

i dunno i am up for a challenge and it gives me one i guess. also it was the closest thing to doing logic and theroies.

[Kate]

Meh, you are a sad git sometimes dear.

[iaxa]

*sobs* but you still rape me. XD!