Yeah...

[Brianna.]

This is more of a ranting thread than an advice one....there really isn't much advice anyone can give me...I just need to get it out before it eats me alive.




I'm so increadibly stressed as of late. It's to the point where I'm hardly eating or sleeping.

-As some of you know, I live in Colorado with my Stepdad, and my mother lives in New York. With Christmas approaching, we're trying to figure out what we're going to do. My mother can't make up her mind as to if she's going to stay living in New York or move back here. I feel like a shitty person, but I don't want her back. She's my mother, yes. She's been the only one who's there for me most of my life, yes. She's supported me alot, yes....but she makes life so difficult. She's got alot of emotional problems that she needs to deal with but she refuses to get help. I end up carrying her emotional baggage till I'm nothing but a mess. She puts on a facade to everyone who knows her and I hear nothing but "Your mother is such a nice lady!" or "I adore your mom! She's so helpful and gracious." It makes me sick to my stomache to hear that. They don't know what it's like to have her call them a horrible daughter...or for her to tell them that they'll never amount to anything. I've heard that for the past two years. I feel like shit. There's no way I'll ever amount to what she wants me to be. I'll never be good enough. She feels that I'm suppost to be here personal armour. Everytime someone says something to her that she feels is insulting, I have to take her side or else I'm a shitty person. I understand I should just brush it off, but it really hurts to hear my own mother treat me like I'm just there to back her up.

-I've been working my ass off around the house because my stepdad refuses to do anything. I feel like his slave. If the phone rings and he's maybe..a foot from the phone...he'll scream at me to answer it. Now, normally that wouldn't be an issue, but he waits till I'm in bed or something and does it. Our phone went out this past weekend from all the snow, and on friday, when the road conditions were horrid, he made me drive the 15 miles into town to call the phone company. He couldn't do it himself, no. I clean the house every day, make dinner, do the dishes, do the laundery....EVERYTHING. I don't get paid for it, I don't get thanked...no. Instead I get called lazy because I try to read a book in my room. I get called fat because I eat a cookie...

-The boy I was swooning over for quite some time decided that I wasen't good enough and is now dating a freshman. 4 year age difference. He acts like nothing happend, and he still flirts with me, but I'm starting to get so fed up with the game...I'm starting to crush on another boy but he has a girlfriend, who happens to be one of my friends. I feel like a hopeless case...I mean. I'm never good enough for anyone in my life, it seems. I could work my fingers till they bleed and I'd still just be Brianna. I feel like there's no way for me to ever make an impact on anyone...and that I really have no purpose in life except to stand in the shadows.



I feel like Cinderella, just without the whole pretty thing...or the prince.

[God.]

Hmm, I only have 10 minutes before I have to go, and I’m not a Agony Uncle (or Aunt,) but I want to say something before I go.

I'm so increadibly stressed as of late. It's to the point where I'm hardly eating or sleeping.

-As some of you know, I live in Colorado with my Stepdad, and my mother lives in New York. With Christmas approaching, we're trying to figure out what we're going to do. My mother can't make up her mind as to if she's going to stay living in New York or move back here. I feel like a shitty person, but I don't want her back. She's my mother, yes. She's been the only one who's there for me most of my life, yes. She's supported me alot, yes....but she makes life so difficult. She's got alot of emotional problems that she needs to deal with but she refuses to get help. I end up carrying her emotional baggage till I'm nothing but a mess. She puts on a facade to everyone who knows her and I hear nothing but "Your mother is such a nice lady!" or "I adore your mom! She's so helpful and gracious." It makes me sick to my stomache to hear that. They don't know what it's like to have her call them a horrible daughter...or for her to tell them that they'll never amount to anything. I've heard that for the past two years. I feel like shit. There's no way I'll ever amount to what she wants me to be. I'll never be good enough. She feels that I'm suppost to be here personal armour. Everytime someone says something to her that she feels is insulting, I have to take her side or else I'm a shitty person. I understand I should just brush it off, but it really hurts to hear my own mother treat me like I'm just there to back her up.


Firstly, I would say to you; don’t feel bad for how you feel. Everyone’s feelings are generated through genuine means, and this is no exception. Your mother, as you have said yourself needs help and it’s difficult when you have such strong feeling against your own mother, but you have a perfectly valid reason for it. It doesn’t make you a bad person. Openness is a very powerful tool. From what you’ve written, you’re holding all this in addition to all your other stresses. Stop. Next time you see/hear from her, just ask her for a quite word, and important one. Then tell her how what she says makes you feel. No matter what emotional state she’s in, she still has a conscience and the feelings of her daughter will be at the core. Tell her you feel like she’s relieving her anger by taking it out on you. It will be difficult yes, but the end result well be clarity. Your mother probably knows how she’s making you feel, but until you tell her, it wont feel like a reality. You may either damage your relationship with your mother more, or you could change the very way her heart beats. As I said before, it will be very difficult to do, but you’ll find that when you start, you won’t stop and it’ll all come out. That’s a good thing. Tell her about your step dad too.

-I've been working my ass off around the house because my stepdad refuses to do anything. I feel like his slave. If the phone rings and he's maybe..a foot from the phone...he'll scream at me to answer it. Now, normally that wouldn't be an issue, but he waits till I'm in bed or something and does it. Our phone went out this past weekend from all the snow, and on friday, when the road conditions were horrid, he made me drive the 15 miles into town to call the phone company. He couldn't do it himself, no. I clean the house every day, make dinner, do the dishes, do the laundery....EVERYTHING. I don't get paid for it, I don't get thanked...no. Instead I get called lazy because I try to read a book in my room. I get called fat because I eat a cookie...


Again, I believe you need to sit down with your step dad and have a serious chat. As above it will ensure clarity in your house. How does he feel about you? What kind of relationship does he think you have? Why doesn’t he do anything? Why do you do everything? Does he realise what he’s doing to you? These are all questions that need to be aired. Maybe it would be more beneficial to have this conversation whilst your stepmother is there too. It’d feel more like a family meeting, and people are more likely to open up and give you proper answers. Start small with the distribution of chores, maybe ask him to wash the plates, or do the dinner for one night a week, and then ease in a rota, which you can then change around. I’m not talking about a week here, I mean a matter of weeks. It may take a while but the approach you have to it will be crucial. If you go to him and give him a lost of things you think he should do, you have no chance. But if you, as I said, start small and maybe ask for just one thing to be done by him on one day, he might get the hang of it, and move on to other things. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.


-The boy I was swooning over for quite some time decided that I wasen't good enough and is now dating a freshman. 4 year age difference. He acts like nothing happend, and he still flirts with me, but I'm starting to get so fed up with the game...I'm starting to crush on another boy but he has a girlfriend, who happens to be one of my friends. I feel like a hopeless case...I mean. I'm never good enough for anyone in my life, it seems. I could work my fingers till they bleed and I'd still just be Brianna. I feel like there's no way for me to ever make an impact on anyone...and that I really have no purpose in life except to stand in the shadows.

I feel like Cinderella, just without the whole pretty thing...or the prince.

Brianna, NEVER say you’re a hopeless case. I’m 19, I’ve never even had a girlfriend, but I understood a long time ago that the end result would change my life forever. Although it’s a commonly used phrase, it says it all “Good things come to those who wait.” There is nobody on this planet that is a hopeless case. You’ll find someone eventually, and when you do, it’ll be one of your most enjoyable, exciting and life fulfilling experiences.

Take care, and please take note of what I’ve said.

P.S Even though I don’t know what you look like anyway, beauty is not skin deep. Any fool who doesn’t consider inner beauty will never have a fulfilling relationship.

[Brianna.]

That means alot...thank you.

The thing with my mother is that we've done all those things you've said and got nowhere except her screaming at me and telling me that she was going to kill herself, as harsh and childish as that sounds. My mother is an INCREADIBLY intelligent lady, but she has alot of emotional problems that she refuses to see. I've talked to my brother and sister about trying to get her help, but she refuses. My mom has a degree in psychotherapy...so trying to convince her that she needs help is out of the question. Whenever you suggest she has a problem, she twists it around into making it seem that you're the one with the problem.

I told my stepdad about everything today, but it didn't take any effect on him. He just told me that he's the one who paid the bills, so that should make up for everything. I can't tell my mom about my stepdad because she'll overreact and make me move back to New York, which I don't want. I don't have a stepmother...it's just me and my stepdad in Colorado.


I understand when you say "Good things come to those who wait", but it feels like an eternity. It's so lonely at times...I have no family out here, and sometimes I feel the need for the kind of affection that you get when you have someone else. I've had boyfriends before, but that was when I lived in New York...it's been way over a year since I even held hands with someone. I sound like a pathetic little girl, but it's true. I was trying to form some kind of relationship with the boy mentioned before since i've moved here. We're good friends, and it kills me that it's all that's there....i feel desperate.

[*Jess*]

I dont know what to say about your stepdad or your mother, but the boy troubles is another case.
I know what it feels like when you feel you have no chance, and you feel like you have been single for an eternity. It may just seem like im being rediculous, seeing as im not even 15 yet, but i still felt lonely. It doesnt matter what age you are, you can feel lonely in that way at many different points in your life.
And i only just got out of this, seeing as I have only had someone since Saturday.
But the day after, i realised that the hole wanting a boy to be more than just a friend had been filled, but it was only when i realised this that i felt i was lucky for what i already had. I realised my friends were something i had, and even though i appreciated them too much for words before, i appreciated them even more then somehow.
If you can realise this when you are single, you are lucky. Human beings have a natural need for someone they can love, and people they can love platonically. So often until all the positions are filled they dont realise what they had to begin with.
It sounds like Im talking about a load of cheesy shit i got from a greetings card, but its hard to explain what i mean. What i mean, in one way, is dont let yourself get too down about not having a boyfriend. Its not your fault you feel the way you do, and in no way are you being a pathetic little girl about this. But if you let yourself get too down about it, you will drift away a bit from what you have. Its what happens when you get in too deep with the romantic side of your life, and it happens to both worried single people, and people who are in a relationship. You wont be able to help it, and you wont realise it, but its what happens. I have seen it happen with other people, not just myself.
For example, i have a friend called robyn. She is my age, but prior to what everyone believes that you cant have true love at my age, she proved you can. She rreally was in love with her boyfriend.They were together for a really long time.But just a couple of months ago, they broke up, because basically he liked someone else.
She was absolutely heartbroken, and she just...drifted from her friends, because she was so worried about her romantic life.
Then she got back on track, and i think she realised what had happened, and how friends were still there, but she'd drifted away from them. I think this because she had started talking to me a lot again, just like she had before she had her boyfriend, as she had also been slowly drifting away when she was still with her boyfriend.
She has someone new now. But she was telling people, she realised she was lucky even when she thought she wasnt, and she started socialising with people again, and didnt let her relationship become too much of a big part of her life, as she didnt want to go back to thinking she had little.
This applies for single people as well.
It probably doesnt make much sense, or help much, as im finding it really hard to explain what i mean. But there is hope for you. You never know what is going to happen.
And in the mean time, you cant help what and when its going to happen. But some day, it will. I cant say it will be sooner than you think, though it is possible it will be sooner than you think. And you will appreciate it more when it does happen.

And its not like your a hopeless case either. With you being friends with guys, and being very pretty (though that shouldnt matter) and from what i have seen, well read, of you, you seem to have a very good personality.