I Really Need Help ;(

[John_Doe]

Hi,

A friend told me to come here coz u guys give great advice and I guess i need kind of reasurance of someone, I am twenty and have NEVER been with a girl, slept with or kissed properly, i know what most people are thinking FREAK, anyway its really depressin me im 21 next year and am feelin depressed, its not that Im ugily just i had lot on plate with family issues and at school i kept my head down coz i was bullied pretty bad and am really shy and not confident around any girls

any help or assurances would be of great help :(

[Sponge'K'nob]

You need to build up some confidence.
You got any mates you can go to the local pub with? Or have a night out or something.

[John_Doe]

no not really , i had loads of mates in college i was pretty popular well i thought i was no one kept in touch

[Jimbob]

I think as Kate has said above, you need to build some confidence, but you'll need some independence too, you can't just rely on your friends. To start off with, try and go out more with friends, even if its doing trivial things, that way you'll meet new people along the way, you'll improve your people skills and eventually, you'll have more confidence while your by yourself.

[Sponge'K'nob]

You need to go out a bit and meet new people.
Jimbob it's KAYE not KATE *gives evils*

[John_Doe]

yeah well thanx for the help, i thought i would of got lynched branded a weirdo lol

[Jimbob]

yeah well thanx for the help, i thought i would of got lynched branded a weirdo lol
Meh, a little over a year ago, I had no confidence what so ever, I really struggled talking to women and going after what I really wanted, I didn't have great people skills at all. However, there came a time where I had to stand on my own 2 feet for a little while and I met new people and I made the effort and gradually my confidence improved and I learn't new people skills as I was introduced to new people.

For some people, going to a gym or something often helps, as they begin to feel more confident with themselves. Some people would probably put me down for saying that, as looks shouldn't be important, but the simple fact is that if you look better, your often going to feel more comfortable, its the same when you put on new clothes.

[John_Doe]

yeah, thats true but twenty is just ridiculous u see lads wit girls at 14 now i just feel like an........... i dunno a outsider kind of, twenty and never properly kissed a girl is weird

[Jimbob]

yeah, thats true but twenty is just ridiculous u see lads wit girls at 14 now i just feel like an........... i dunno a outsider kind of, twenty and never properly kissed a girl is weird

Meh, kissing is easy and something that comes with practice. Remember the first time I had a kiss, was nervous as hell, and the first kiss was awkward, but as time went on, it got better and better.

[Rashella]

Anyone can go out and have a one night stand these days. Theres nothing wrong with waiting. Is there any girls you know who you like? But as the others said you just need to practice being confident, it doesn't come over night. But i suggest you stop worrying as much and panicking that you think your a loser. If you think bad of yourself other people are more likely too aswell. Try not to panic, afterall, noone can tell your a virgin at first glance can they? Noone knows unless you choose to tell them. They dont see you as any different to anyone else. And hopefully when you do get to that level of trust with someone that you tell them they'l still love you regardless.

[Foych]

at school i kept my head down


keep your head up, that's one way of showing your confidence, and second way is if you look them rigth into their eyes, that's the way you show them you're not scared of them

[Jimbob]

Jimbob it's KAYE not KATE *gives evils*

The T is right next to the Y :P sorry.

[Bob!]

Hmph I know how ya mean.

Some just seem to have the luck, some do not I guess. And aye it is kinda hard when everyone elses had relationships of a year or more, or can get outa one and into another at the click o their fingers yet you're left with next to nothin, or bugger all to show fer all yer years.

As to the confidence and so on well with that yav just gotta keep yer chin up and trust to hope. Feck off any thoughts about whatever happened in school and how that could affect ya now as it can't as long as ya don't let it, all that bollocks is in the past, no one need know about any other insecurities and they won't affect the current situation if ya leave em behind.

As to yer confidence around women and so on well just try and speak to some as friends first and treat em the same as ya do ya bloke mates, just enjoy being round em and having a laugh and so on, might be hard if ya don't know any though but yeah theyre basically just the same, it aint like ya need to show off or anything every second yer infront of a woman ya? Plus any good lass will like ya for how ya are anyways, not how much ya make yaself look good or whatever so don't worry too much about that, just be yaself as ya would be with anyone else.

As to kissing and stuff well thats easy, itl just come to ya, and the stuff afterwards well ya can get to that later, one step at a time ya? Plus I'm sure any girl who does really like ya won't object to some more teaching and practice. ;)

So just put the insecurities at back o ya mind and just be ready to move through things one step at a time whenever ya get the chance, even though it feels like it cause o ya age, yav gotta keep it as no rush ya? As long as ya wantin to keep to the "pure" path anyways instead o goin off on one night stands and with anyone.

And from the sounds o it it doesn't seem that ya ant got what it takes, its just (like me) ya never get the bloody chance, but as said the only thing ya can do at the mo is give hope to chance aand wait n see. And the main thing is once ya get that chance ya going to want to give it everythin yav got, so for that ya really can just ignore any o ya insecurities and go fer it, once yav sorted that part out in ya head then you've done all ya can from your end, then ya just gotta wait and hope someone will get theirs together and like ya.

Once thats sorted, the only other thing ya can really do till then is get on with yer own life normally for now such as enjoyin yasen or earning money and so on. Even though ignoring the fact of ya situation might lead ya to think that ya gunna spend even more years with bugger all, its better than sitting brooding on it as thats just gunna make ya worse.

And yes it is shite having wasted all ya years compared to ones who have spent em wi someone, but hell, at least its obvious ya not a manwhore ya? Hopefully thats a trait that someone will also see in ya.

[John_Doe]

:) Thanx everybody for ya help all take it in board and have already gained a little confidence knowing that there is wicked people like u lot out there

cheers :)

[Leon]

I wouldn't think of you as a freak cos of that.

You just need to go out with some friends and start chatting to some girls while you're out, it's a real confidence booster, and the best people to practice talking to are the people you don't know as its a lot easier.

[Sweetest.x.Sin]

Well if it makes you feel any better, you are not the only one with family issues, and I don't think of them as parents or family anymore because there is one in jail for rape on several counts, parents that drink and he sits on his lazy ass doing nothing all day long and keeps promising to stop and never does and swears 24/7 but it's not okay if I swear or anything fuck you, and my mom always takes my dad's side so fuck her too, my aunt is a crack-whore and talks about me behind my back, my grandma defends my shithead cousin who acts like a child and talks about me and I'm sick of it so yeah I wish I could escape but I do know things will get better and life has a good plan for me and things can always get better, like I'm writing novels and going to get famous and rich by those and use my money to move away so there's always an escape there's a light at the end of the tunnel you know. Just think of it that way, find a hobby that could become something useful for you.
And you're not ugly so don't try and dampen yourself and your confidence just try going up and talking to people they aren't going to kill you the worst they could do is ignore you if nobody likes you for who you are fuck them they don't deserve your respect or your friendship.
I used to be suicidal and depressed and cut myself over alot of stupid shit in my life until one day I realised, you have to live with what you are offered it's not our fault we just have to roll with the punches there's always something a little prettier at the end of it all and what doesn't kill us makes us stronger it's life you just kind of have to make do and live with it.

[Bleeding-dagger]

im not comfident, but then again im only 13 lol