manutd 4 ever
February 7th '06, 02:32 PM
A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing
new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash
without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their
accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been
developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Roll down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
************************************************** *
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up, pull forward, back up and so forth and repeat
as many times as required to align car window with the cash machine.
3. Set handbrake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate bank
card.
5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way with magnetic strip pointing the way
the little picture indicates.
10. Dig through handbag and examine each receipt to see if PIN is
written there. Finally, search through phone book to find your PIN
written on the inside of the back page.
11. Enter PIN into cash machine.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
chequebook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the
slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on mobile phone.
26. Drive for 5 to 6 miles.
27. Smell burning
28. Release Hand Brake
new Drive-through teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash
without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are
requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their
accounts.
After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been
developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."
MALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Roll down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.
************************************************** *
FEMALE PROCEDURE:
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up, pull forward, back up and so forth and repeat
as many times as required to align car window with the cash machine.
3. Set handbrake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate bank
card.
5. Tell person on mobile phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way with magnetic strip pointing the way
the little picture indicates.
10. Dig through handbag and examine each receipt to see if PIN is
written there. Finally, search through phone book to find your PIN
written on the inside of the back page.
11. Enter PIN into cash machine.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write debit amount in check register and place receipt in back of
chequebook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand bag, locate card holder, and place card into the
slot provided.
23. Give dirty look to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on mobile phone.
26. Drive for 5 to 6 miles.
27. Smell burning
28. Release Hand Brake