Some major issues with myself...

[InvisibleMatter]

I cannot live like this anymore. I simply had to ask people on these forums about some very serious life questions.
Before I go into the details, I need to tell you that this is not just another wuss – like pessimistic confession. This is simply a description of my current state of mind, and a collection of several questions whose answers should help me in deciding what to do next with my life. Hence all of this is going to be very serious. Well, let’s begin…
First of all, I have to say that I am FAR from attractive. I know, that is a relative thing, but generally, I’m not the type of guy girls get attracted to on their own. When I look at myself in the mirror and in my skinny body, I really sometimes ask myself why any girl would be attracted to me. Sometimes I just beat myself thinking how ugly I am. I know, that’s also relative, but I just can’t stop saying that to myself.
When I started going to high school, I noticed that there were plenty of girls. That was the first time that I became desperate, knowing that it would be pretty impossible to get any of them to even talk to me. After a few days, I decided that it was the time to do something about all this. And that’s where the fun part begins.
I started to learn a lot about teenager behavior, always trying to be as social as I could and so on and so on. I learnt lots of new stuff. Somewhere along the way, I realized that I had a nice guy syndrome. That was the time when the major point was that girls are more attracted to jerks, and that looks don’t matter so much, that the personality is a key asset when it comes to dating, etc. And yes, there is some truth in all of that stuff.
As the time was passing, I was better and better at my theory thing. On the practical counterpart, there wasn’t so much I could tell you about. Now, two years after my decision, I’ve made great friends with some pretty cool girls in my school. A couple of them became best friends with me. But that didn’t happen because I wanted to, it just have happened on its own. I would rather say that was a coincidence that I got to know those girls at first.
Anyway, things are much better now. I am accepted by a pretty large group of people in my school, I have lots of good friends, both male and female. But I still have a hard time when it comes to date some girl. I have to say that I have a great sense of humor. Lots of people like me because of that. I’ve learnt over time to act calm and cool in almost every situation, while being indifferent to the outcome. That combined with my great sense of humor, made wonders for me. I think that took a large part in meeting all those new people over time.
I mean, it’s not a problem for me to make friends with a girl. But, two years after all of this, it is still very hard for me to take things to a next level. I always end up in the friend zone. I actually am self confident. But then again things just don’t work for me.
I feel like I don’t have a bare idea how to subtly tell a girl that I am interested in her on a romantic level. I gave it a thought many times, and I realized that I feel a very intensive feat of rejection. I think that is the key of my problems when it comes to dating. I simply cannot control that. I am afraid to reveal my feelings towards a girl. It scares me even to think about revealing my true feelings toward some attractive girl.
Also, I think I have issues with my self confidence, although I generally am self confident. For example, there is one girl at my school that I currently feel very attracted to, but I simply am afraid to tell that to her because I am afraid what her peers would think of me. I just keep imagining how they would laugh at me and at my sincere action. Of course, all of her peers (herself included) are of a very high status, are very popular at their class and stuff like that. I cannot say for me that I am ultra popular or anything, but generally I am accepted at the school.
That is the current situation. Those two problems keep sabotaging me in having a life I want. I feel like those problems are out my control, and that’s driving me crazy. I feel very desperate because of this at times.
So I ask everyone on this forum to tell me his/her opinion about what are the best ways to deal with these issues. I realize that here are some very experienced people, so I am in no doubt that I’ll get good advice and right answers.
I realize that I am not the first person to come here with these kinds of problems, but at least I didn’t find a way to deal with all this.
Please, feel free to give your own opinion on all of this stuff. It would really be useful to me. Thanks in advance to everyone.

[Mikhael]

Hi and welcome and all that.

I can actually relate to this. I know what you mean. fortunatly for myslef i got over these issues. You need to change your attitude slightly.

I used to be like you i suppose. I used to worry about hwat other people thought of me. I had what you may call an emiphany :)

I realised that you shouldnt give a crap what other people think of you. (girlfriends and family is an exception) although this sounds unusual you should change it. You seem to value your friends high. but you seem to think about why they like you too much. Correct me if im wrong but i think that you think, because you had personel problems where you wernt the most social person, you are worried about returning to this. YOu need to learn that these people are already your friends and and like you already so you still dont have to work as hard to impress them.

I suggest screwing what your friends think of you and act as yourself. They wont hate you for going out with a girl.

I suppose your nervous with the whole relationship problem because its new to you. This is pretty common to people me included. Eventually you'll realise everyone is just as nervous as you are although you dont show it.

Send me a pm with your msn and ill talk to you some more if you want. I wouldnt always do this but as i said i can relate to this. :)

[Sweetest.x.Sin]

Alright, well it's very good that you've overcome your defeat in yourself and come to accept yourself. That' very good and congratulations on making friends and getting yourself well known and reasonably popular. Alot of people don't even have the guts to do that but you did and for that, I compliment you.
Secondly, looks don't matter with even the prettiest girls. It's the personality they will fall for and trust me, a guy with a sense of humor is something alot of girls find very attractive, me being one, and girls would definitely fall for that.
Okay so you say there is a girl at your School, just go up to her one day when she's alone and ask her how she's doing, just introduce yourself, ask her like "Hey aren't you in one of my classes I've seen you around" and yadda yadda you know start conversation get introduced ask her if maybe she has MSN or something, talk to her on there more and get to know her in person too, and when you feel the time is right ask her if maybe she would like to go out sometime and if she says no still be friends and remember being rejected has nothing to do with you they just don't like you in that way and it's not the end of the world.
Try not giving a damn what anyone thinks because if you do and are too concerned with that then people will just beat you down more and you can't let that happen. Trust me, I had rough edges in School too so yeah I know how it feels to worry about everyone's opinions until one day I stood up for myself punched them in the face told them I didn't give a damn what they think I still don't and it's better that way.

[Leon]

Hey, I was quite similar to you, but then just got to the point where I realised like Mikhael said that you shouldn't be bothered about what some people think and that usually the girls are just as if not more nervous than you. It's really not that much to worry about as what you think it is.

I'd really take note of what Mikhael said as I'd just repeat it all the same, some great advice.