Did Something Dumb and now Confusion??? :-/

[Smilez]

Long story so plz bear with me. I met this guy a few weeks ago and we started talking. He came to my room almost everyday for a week straight and we jus made out and nothing more. He was really sweet and all said he didnt want sex b/c it wasnt the right time. I kno totally sweet. Anyway at the end of the first week we spent together we went to this party with other mutual friends and to keep the story short that night he slept with another girl. Now I kno we aren't together but god dam that was fucked up esp. since i only went to that party cuz he wanted me to and he said he didnt want to have sex with me cuz it was too early then he jus goes and fucks sum girl. Anyway my friend told me and i asked him what he did that night and of course he lied. I told him I knew the truth and he was caught. That night at another party we kinda talked it out he said it was uncomfortable and it was a mistake and that he cared about me cuz he liked me. So me being the sucker i am I said ok and forgave him. Things after that were good again he came ova a lot and then I left for T-givin break. We talked over break he said he missed me, all was good. I came back and he came over two nights that week and slept over once.

Now here comes the dumbest thing I could have done. After he left I went on my myspace like i always do but my computer was logged into his name. So temptation got to me and I read his messages. I KNOW!!! stupid thing to do u dont need to tell me I'll never do something like that again. I looked and saw a message with the girl he slept with and it was like day after basically sayin normal things nuttin much but at the end he was like happy t-giving and maybe ill c u when u get bak. Not that bad but excuse me for feeling a little jealous. Anyway I got over that and was like its watever he's seeing me all the time not her.

Now after that I did something even more dumb than that. I checked his yahoo mail. After checkin the myspace I knew it was wrong and felt bad but the yahoo one I just thought 'o i wont find anythign here so its ok.' yea definite bad mistake. I wanna shoot myself for lookin at that. I found an ongoin convo. b/w him and his ex thats pretty recent like a few days ago and its basically them talkin about how much they love each other but the relationship would never work and that they'll always b in each others hearts. Now i feel like shit but its possible for someone to have feelings for more than one person at once. But it was really serious. I didnt even read the whole thing cuz i felt so guilty. I dont kno how i could compete with something like that.

He is leaving in January to go away for quite some time. He told me (the night i found out he had sex wit that girl) he wouldnt want to put pressure on any girl like that cuz a situaiton like that is stressful. Thats true but im the type of girl that wouldn't care about that. Anyway I actually dont even kno what im asking. Im just confused as to where we stand. We've been seeing each other for about a month straight and its kind of exclusive. (after he had sex with that girl, i was chillin with sum of my guy friends and he told me not to do anythign dumb and he wont) I go away for x-mas break in 2 weeks and he told me to stay longer than i could and i am b/c he wont b here when i get back. I told him next time i saw him that we'd talk about the whole him leaving thing.

So i guess what im asking is what is your whole take on this situation. At times i think I should just forget about him and not even try to pursue a relationship b/c of the mail I read but then I think about all he said to me and he even told his friends (girls and guys) about me. I mean idk ppl dont usually do that for just a little fling do they??

Thanks for reading!!

[I Love Necks]

Yeah this is never going to work so just forget it.

Also I love the self justifaction for reading more and more of his stuff, haha.

[*Jess*]

You shouldn't read people's stuff. I know you know this, but it is actually illegal.
Both of you have a problem with trust issues. You read his mail out of jealousy and find out he's cheating on you, whilst he can't really trust you to let him have privacy, you can't be responsible enough to not read his mail.

I must say you're both as bad as each other in making that relationship not work. I'd just get out of it and stay out of it, for both of your sakes. Use initiative instead of going straight in for reading his personal messages. You can usually tell when someone deserves to be with you or not.

[Smilez]

i wouldnt quite call it cheating since we aren't together but its kind of like a line that shouldnt b crossed and if it is its just messed up...i cant really say anything about the messages i mean the one to the girl he slept with was a normal convo. despite the questionable content and the email to his ex is something ive d b4 with my ex...u kno everyone has a past and i should respect that...yea i kno i read it and i shouldnt have believe me even though i want to kno what it says in its entirety im gonna leave it alone

[Nintendus]

After he'd slept with someone else I should not blame you for reading his myspace nor his mail, in my eyes you have done no wrong and there is no need for you to explain yourself to anyone.

The thing is though, it's not going to work. He's done a series of things I view as unforgiveable to be honest. And if he does care about you like he says, then he could at the very least make his actions follow his words.

[tf_arl_90]

To be clear, I hold absolutely nothing against you for reading his emails. I can't say I wouldn't be tempted if I were suspicious either, though I have never been in the situation. It's not right, but you've realized and admitted that, so learn from it and move on.

Now that that's out of the way...


Both of you have a problem with trust issues.

That's it right there.

Mutual trust is absolutely fundamental to a successful relationship, and that's exactly what's lacking from yours. It's not really a matter of who's more right/wrong. Neither of you trust each other.

I don't see this situation getting any less tangled than it already is. I'd quit before I got too involved and too attached. You'll meet someone else who is better for you.

gl :)

[ultravisitor]

Yeah, forget it. I don't think you can really trust him at all and I definately, definately wouldn't forgive someone for sleeping with someone else at a party you were at. :/
It's tough I know but move on.

[Smilez]

UPDATE**

He slept over last night and once again left his stupid facebook and email on but i didnt look at it...i just couldn't. Anyway I feel what some of you are saying about letting it go but i think it's a little late for that. I mean we spent practically an entire month together and honestly first guy ive ever met or known who doesn't want to have sex. I mean some1 like that doesnt come around very often.

My current dillema right now though is whether or not i should ask him 'what we are.' I dont kno whats the deal with us and granted we only have two more weeks together before he leaves...i kinda want to kno. I asked him if he wanted me to stay longer than I could and he said yes. My friend told me to not ask b/c he's leaving and it would probably be too much. But its going to be like that regardless. I want to know if i should not do anything with any other guys or something you know. I'd have no problem with that.

Basically Im asking what would you do in the situation? Ask or not ask? And how? I was thinking of jus randomly saying 'hey what are we?' lol but it would awkward or something and we usually have so much fun just talkin about normal things and i dont want things to be awkward. Thanks!!

[tf_arl_90]

UPDATE**

He slept over last night and once again left his stupid facebook and email on but i didnt look at it...i just couldn't. Anyway I feel what some of you are saying about letting it go but i think it's a little late for that. I mean we spent practically an entire month together and honestly first guy ive ever met or known who doesn't want to have sex. I mean some1 like that doesnt come around very often.

My current dillema right now though is whether or not i should ask him 'what we are.' I dont kno whats the deal with us and granted we only have two more weeks together before he leaves...i kinda want to kno. I asked him if he wanted me to stay longer than I could and he said yes. My friend told me to not ask b/c he's leaving and it would probably be too much. But its going to be like that regardless. I want to know if i should not do anything with any other guys or something you know. I'd have no problem with that.

Basically Im asking what would you do in the situation? Ask or not ask? And how? I was thinking of jus randomly saying 'hey what are we?' lol but it would awkward or something and we usually have so much fun just talkin about normal things and i dont want things to be awkward. Thanks!!

Tbh I don't really consider a month all that long. You seem pretty amazed by him not pushing for sex right away. It's not really all that uncommon for a guy (one who is looking for a relationship) to want to wait a while, so maybe you have - in the past - met the wrong guys? And I don't mean that in an impolite way, I hope you realize that. But you already have my opinion on the situation so I'm not going to repeat myself.

Do you think he would refrain from doing anything with other girls while you were apart? (Sorry, I missed where you'd each be and for how long). If you asked him that (or whatever else you want to ask him) would you believe he was telling you the truth?

Personally, someone I've only known a month who's already been involved with other girls isn't someone I'd be likely to trust right away.