anonymous
March 2nd '06, 02:27 AM
im a regular 16 year old boy who attends highschool. ive had a few relationships in the past with girls, but ive always tried not to get too overly involved in them because i find myself afriad to love. i only let certain people in who i feel are my true friends. i only have two people who i consider my friends, everyone else i consider my aquiantance. anyway, sorry im rambling...
this school year i met this guy who seemed really cool and it was my "goal" to be his friend by the end of the year, i dont know why, im crazy like that... he is 2 grades older than me, so that makes him 18. i dont have a problem making friends, mind you, but this has become a problem. ive always thought i was straight-- ive NEVER looked at other guys the way i do girls, mentally and physically. as i tried to be this guys friend.... lets call him Jo... i found myself actually having feelings for him. it is the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me. i tried to deny these feelings, but i cant. i dont want this for me, because i dont feel it is right, but i cant help it. this is the only guy ive ever felt this way about, and never in a million years did i dream this would happen to me.
i seriously cant eat anymore, i cant sleep, my heart is always pounding. this isnt a good feeling for me i can assure you. ive never felt this way before. im so sad all the time now, ever since i realized i had feelings for Jo. i cant tell him, because i wouldnt want him to know and even if he did say... feel the same way... i wouldnt establish any sort of a relationship with him because i just cant. its not what i want. i cant help but try to ignore these feelings but i cant. i cant get my mind off of him. it has been months and everyday it gets stronger and stronger. sometimes i want to break down and cry but the tears wont come.
thank you for taking the time to read this. if anyone has any piece of advice or words of wisdom they could give me it would be much appreciated. i dont know what to do. thank you.
this school year i met this guy who seemed really cool and it was my "goal" to be his friend by the end of the year, i dont know why, im crazy like that... he is 2 grades older than me, so that makes him 18. i dont have a problem making friends, mind you, but this has become a problem. ive always thought i was straight-- ive NEVER looked at other guys the way i do girls, mentally and physically. as i tried to be this guys friend.... lets call him Jo... i found myself actually having feelings for him. it is the most bizarre thing that has ever happened to me. i tried to deny these feelings, but i cant. i dont want this for me, because i dont feel it is right, but i cant help it. this is the only guy ive ever felt this way about, and never in a million years did i dream this would happen to me.
i seriously cant eat anymore, i cant sleep, my heart is always pounding. this isnt a good feeling for me i can assure you. ive never felt this way before. im so sad all the time now, ever since i realized i had feelings for Jo. i cant tell him, because i wouldnt want him to know and even if he did say... feel the same way... i wouldnt establish any sort of a relationship with him because i just cant. its not what i want. i cant help but try to ignore these feelings but i cant. i cant get my mind off of him. it has been months and everyday it gets stronger and stronger. sometimes i want to break down and cry but the tears wont come.
thank you for taking the time to read this. if anyone has any piece of advice or words of wisdom they could give me it would be much appreciated. i dont know what to do. thank you.