Sneaky
February 10th '08, 02:09 AM
Okay, well, I've talked to lots of my friends (and by talked, I mean ranted) about how much my Mom drives me insane. So here goes, I guess...
My mom moved out (or as she would put it, was "asked to leave" by my father. It is, at this point, very hard to get any legitimate information from my family without having to go through painful discussions...) and that was the start of my freshman year in HS (last year) and so I was..pissed, I guess you could say. Not at my Dad, I love my Dad totally, but because I was (am) basically, a little spoiled kid. It is at this point you can feel free to hate me, but that's what I am, spoiled, and sort of an idiot. I had no idea how to take care of ANYTHING (I coudn't cook anything other than...uh...like chicken in a pan with canned alfredo sauce.) and we live in a big house. As well, my brother was a senior (so he was pretty much independant and liked to make huge messes then just dissapear until 2am) and my Dad traveled a lot. So basically, it was made clear to me that I had to take care of everything.
Now my parents were seperated, and so I'd pushed that to the back of my mind. Of course, when all this was going on, I had marching band, which took up 99.99% of all of my free time. Add on HS work (which was a lot more than middle school) and by October I'd gone from pissed to completely and utterly depressed, and my mother wasn't making it any better. She would show up and go on yellling sprees about how my brother was becoming irresponsible, and how I needed to clean/cook/take care of everyone much better.
Then of course, there were times when my Dad would travel for a week, so I had to stay at her house. She lives in a townhouse, very small, with walls so thin you could hear someone pee in the downstairs bathroom. I always felt trapped and she kept asking me to move in with her, and she kept trying to turn me against my Dad, like he was a bad guy or something. When that didn't work, she insisted that he didn't need me, he could handle himself. When that didn't work, she found ways to force me over to her house, and kept guilting me into spending time with her.
The more time I spent with her, the more I HATED her. Everything about her. The gross way she talks to me and I can just see how fake her emotions are. She's also very...touchy. There was a big thunderstorm one day, and she CRAWLED INTO MY BED and tried to like...spoon me or something! She was right up against my back and I was basically SCREAMING at her to leave my room and she wouldn't. On top of which, she would come over to my Dad's house and lay down in my bed, or she would go into my bathroom and start like, fixing her hair or using my toilet or something! She even shows up in my classes, volunteering to help with band work whenever she can, chaperoning trips, and even coming to all of our concerts! I know that you might think "oh yeah, an involved parent!" but she'll be talking to my friends and telling them that I'm a bad person! She once told my best friend that she wouldn't be friends with me if she were my age!
On top of which, my mother tells all of my business to people who don't need to know. I went to the hospital recently for very embaressing and serious reasons and she told this woman who I don't even know about it on top of our relatives. When me and my father were ripped off during vacation, I got a phone call on the house phone from some relative I hadn't met since I was five who gave me a lecture on "leaving things in cars."
What the heck!? I used to tell my mother everything like girls are supposed to, but she would ALWAYS end up making me cry and making me feel like total and complete shit, then "comforting" me to make me think that I could go to her. As I got older, I just began to feel manipulated.
As it stands, the sight of her makes me ENRAGED. Serious I want to explode anger. She showed up at a Jazz Band festival today, and she started dancing in front of all my friends (she dances like an old whore, and dresses like a twelve year old.) and I just wanted to shoot myself. The last time I stayed at her house, I seriously contemplated jumping out of the window and running away. (it's about a nine foot drop into soft ..uh..what is it? it's stuff that you put over dirt lawns..pine needles?) Whenever she hugs/kisses/touches me I feel molested (seriously) and violated and I want to punch her. (she honestly acts like a pedophile. She once commented that I had "big hips" and that that was a "good thing." As well, she makes friends with people who have small children, and insists on buying them toys and spending time with them. She had to hem a dress I have to wear, and she stopped and looked me over and said "you have a nice body." She calls me pretty all the time, but the way she says it makes me want to throw up in my mouth.) I honestly can't stand her, and it's getting worse and worse, but my Dad is still in love with her. If he would just get a girlfriend, then I could just tell him that I hate her, but I just don't know how to explain it. I feel like one day I'm going to go completely off the hinge on her, but then Dad will be so mad at me, and I don't know what to do...
...help?
My mom moved out (or as she would put it, was "asked to leave" by my father. It is, at this point, very hard to get any legitimate information from my family without having to go through painful discussions...) and that was the start of my freshman year in HS (last year) and so I was..pissed, I guess you could say. Not at my Dad, I love my Dad totally, but because I was (am) basically, a little spoiled kid. It is at this point you can feel free to hate me, but that's what I am, spoiled, and sort of an idiot. I had no idea how to take care of ANYTHING (I coudn't cook anything other than...uh...like chicken in a pan with canned alfredo sauce.) and we live in a big house. As well, my brother was a senior (so he was pretty much independant and liked to make huge messes then just dissapear until 2am) and my Dad traveled a lot. So basically, it was made clear to me that I had to take care of everything.
Now my parents were seperated, and so I'd pushed that to the back of my mind. Of course, when all this was going on, I had marching band, which took up 99.99% of all of my free time. Add on HS work (which was a lot more than middle school) and by October I'd gone from pissed to completely and utterly depressed, and my mother wasn't making it any better. She would show up and go on yellling sprees about how my brother was becoming irresponsible, and how I needed to clean/cook/take care of everyone much better.
Then of course, there were times when my Dad would travel for a week, so I had to stay at her house. She lives in a townhouse, very small, with walls so thin you could hear someone pee in the downstairs bathroom. I always felt trapped and she kept asking me to move in with her, and she kept trying to turn me against my Dad, like he was a bad guy or something. When that didn't work, she insisted that he didn't need me, he could handle himself. When that didn't work, she found ways to force me over to her house, and kept guilting me into spending time with her.
The more time I spent with her, the more I HATED her. Everything about her. The gross way she talks to me and I can just see how fake her emotions are. She's also very...touchy. There was a big thunderstorm one day, and she CRAWLED INTO MY BED and tried to like...spoon me or something! She was right up against my back and I was basically SCREAMING at her to leave my room and she wouldn't. On top of which, she would come over to my Dad's house and lay down in my bed, or she would go into my bathroom and start like, fixing her hair or using my toilet or something! She even shows up in my classes, volunteering to help with band work whenever she can, chaperoning trips, and even coming to all of our concerts! I know that you might think "oh yeah, an involved parent!" but she'll be talking to my friends and telling them that I'm a bad person! She once told my best friend that she wouldn't be friends with me if she were my age!
On top of which, my mother tells all of my business to people who don't need to know. I went to the hospital recently for very embaressing and serious reasons and she told this woman who I don't even know about it on top of our relatives. When me and my father were ripped off during vacation, I got a phone call on the house phone from some relative I hadn't met since I was five who gave me a lecture on "leaving things in cars."
What the heck!? I used to tell my mother everything like girls are supposed to, but she would ALWAYS end up making me cry and making me feel like total and complete shit, then "comforting" me to make me think that I could go to her. As I got older, I just began to feel manipulated.
As it stands, the sight of her makes me ENRAGED. Serious I want to explode anger. She showed up at a Jazz Band festival today, and she started dancing in front of all my friends (she dances like an old whore, and dresses like a twelve year old.) and I just wanted to shoot myself. The last time I stayed at her house, I seriously contemplated jumping out of the window and running away. (it's about a nine foot drop into soft ..uh..what is it? it's stuff that you put over dirt lawns..pine needles?) Whenever she hugs/kisses/touches me I feel molested (seriously) and violated and I want to punch her. (she honestly acts like a pedophile. She once commented that I had "big hips" and that that was a "good thing." As well, she makes friends with people who have small children, and insists on buying them toys and spending time with them. She had to hem a dress I have to wear, and she stopped and looked me over and said "you have a nice body." She calls me pretty all the time, but the way she says it makes me want to throw up in my mouth.) I honestly can't stand her, and it's getting worse and worse, but my Dad is still in love with her. If he would just get a girlfriend, then I could just tell him that I hate her, but I just don't know how to explain it. I feel like one day I'm going to go completely off the hinge on her, but then Dad will be so mad at me, and I don't know what to do...
...help?