Breaking up

[nam_2004]

Ive been dating my best friend for a couple of months now. I realized Ive only been with him cuz hes such a sweetheart and i wanted someone cuz i just moved to a new university in a new country, without any family or friends. Ive known him for 8 months but i consider him to be my best guy friend here, and i guess one reason i got together with him was to spend more time with him and him with me, but i dont really feel anything real for him. I want to break up with him but i dont know how without breaking his heart and losing him. I know i cant tell him the truth cuz hes sooo sensitive. i know thats the right thing to do, but i just cant. ive thought of other excuses like telling him ive cheated or my parents wouldnt aprove of it cuz were from 2 diff countries and cultures, but that wont work. the best thing ive thought of was telling him im falling for him and i dont wanna continue cuz ill be heartbroken when it ends (cuz were from 2 diff cultures) but i dont really wanna say that to him cuz he'll think of something thatll make sense for me not to break up with him now. this guy is head over heels inlove with me and im not, i wanna stop dating him but i dont wanna break his heart... is this possible

[Shane]

Hmmm...

Try just telling him it cannot work longterm but you are always up for some fun or something?? Or just tell him straight up cause it will hurt him alot more the more you leave it!!! What is worse, hurting him or damn near killing him??

[nam_2004]

Hey thanx for replying. ok this is my plan, kinda sux, but i have nothing else in mind. let me give u sum bg info, were both back home in diff countries, he calls me everyday, and im getting so sick of it, and i just make more and more excuses for not picking up, nyway, my culture discourages dating, i dont know what my parents would do if they found out, and in my religion its a sin to have sex before marriage, u probably get it... my plan is to tell him that i told my sick (physically) cuzin abt us and that she stressed that its a sin bla bla and that i should break up with him cuz in the end itll just hurt the both of us cuz eventually were gonna part (like at graduation when we both go home), and ill just say that she convinced me, and its for his good too before we get into something deep... is this alright?! i know its horrible... but i dont know what else to say... even worse, i was thinking of doing it by email, cuz were going back to college in a month and i cant do it then cuz first i wont be able to use my cuzin as an excuse cuz shes not there, and i cant just suddenly break up with him the first day i meet him or a month in after making out and stuff... ahhh im confused

[sstokes]

You guys can't be that close or that big of best friends if you can't really tell how you feel. Sometimje white lies help the problem but I think you might as well tell him the truth. He might then respect as a friend and continue to be there for you. It migth take him a while to not be upset but life is about break ups and ups and downs and you have to deal with him. If he feels the way you say he feels then it wont be to hard to continue being friends with him if he understands the reasons why your relationship wont work long term.

[Mamfy]

Yeah, if you lie to him then it might be harder for you to still be really good friends with him, or if he finds out then he will never forgive you. I still think honesty is the best policy, and you want to sort it all out right? Well then tell him the truth, he deserves to know the truth, and im sure it would hurt YOU even more if you let him live knowing a lie. Let him down gently but tell him you still want to be friends (if that is what you want) or you could also say that you're scared that turning your friendship into a relationship might someday end up in a fight and you'll never be friends again. Anyway, i hope it all works out for you, so good luck! And dont forget to update us on the happenings:)

[nam_2004]

i completely agree with what both of u are saying, and if someone asked me this id give them the same advice, but i just cant... this guys is SOO sensitive, and i know what im doing is wrong, but... i have no excuse...i was with him for a short while unofficially... and then i was like no i dont want to be with u, i dont like u like that, and then he basically what he said was wat the hell am i ur sex toy (even though we never had sex or anything close to that) what he meant was that i was using him... my point is is that he was REALLY hurt when i told him the truth when we were only together for a week or soo... i know the truth hurts... but for him i think it hurts too much... thats why i wana tell him something like im falling inlove with u or something like that, something that wont hurt as much... do u kinda get wat im saying

[sstokes]

What you need to learn is that, that act he put on about you using him was so that you wouldn't break up with him. Look he already knows the truth cause you already told him. I have been in the situation before and I know its hard but he will thank you for it later. This happened to be about a year ago. The guy was also very sensitive but he would rather be my friend than nothing at all. And he still tells me the best thing about tha relationship was the ability to say what you were thinking. You need to think about how else lieing will effect him if he is "SOOO SENSTIVE" leing just another way to make him more sensitive when he finds out.
Good Luck in whatever you decision is!

[pressure]

the truth is better in the long run
ul hurt him more if you lie to him
if u dnt wana be with him jus tell him its not working for youa nd ur osrry
you keep saying hes sensitive, some guys are but shitty stuff still happens to them, hes jus gotta deal with it
and dnt go in for emotional blackmail if he gives it to ya

best thing i can say is get out if you want to, dnt go on feeling like this, u could meet someone else who is right for you but u wont be able to do anything because ur still in a 'relationship'

[danster73]

ok, its seems, like the best way to break up with him is to talk to him face to face and tell him that you really like him but youd rather be friends (the classic). or just say you want to go on a break. im sure he will be upset at first but as long as your there for him it'll be ok.