Critique and help 2.0!

[n0iZe]

So, I finished the lyrics, now i've tried to come up with some music to go along with it.
QWXwI0tuap


This is in pre-pre-pre-pre-beta-stage, so give me any ideas or clues on how you think this could be improved!


Thanks a bunch!

[Rocksta]

Very cool. I like the riff. Needs some drums and a base.
If you had a better recorder, I think the sound would be better, then it would sound awesome.
Keep up the good work!

[n0iZe]

Thanka,

I've yet to put this idea across with my band. ^^

Hopefully they'll want to help some. :p