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View Full Version : Books: Please read and rate my story...



Writer4Lifer
January 16th '10, 08:22 PM
The dunes shone with an ethereal glow as the sun crept over the lip of the horizon, and as the geese made their routine hawking cries which most long-time occupants of this remote country would now find distracting...she found it quite enthralling.

This incredibly beautiful night confirmed that the move to a completely new country when all her friends and family still resided in sunny old England was most certainly worth it. To her, sitting on the roof of her newly acquired egyptian home, surrounded by blossoming acacia trees, watching the sunset and knowing a loving husband waited for her downstairs was the very meaning of the term "perfect".

It was in fact he who had made the suggestion of living here, telling her stories of beautiful lands, friendly people and much more, none of which was untruthful. Although David was probably now widely hated between everyone she was close to for, "stealing her", she had become extremely fond of him ever since she first laid eyes on him.



What I am really looking for is for some ideas for the remainder of the story. this is going to be part of my coursework and hopefully published :D. I am 14 years old.

soggytoast
January 16th '10, 10:18 PM
sunny old england
hardly how i'd describe england in comparison to eygpt

also, if you're wanting help you may want to say what the specifications for your coursework are as well as your plan for the plot of the story.

you've got a very short.....middle/start? i can't really tell.

Writer4Lifer
January 16th '10, 10:44 PM
Yes now you mention it "sunny old England" isnt the most appropriate phrase, thanks.

The coursework outline merely says to write a creative story, however it is in for Year 11 (i'm in Year 10) so I have plenty of time to write and make it quite long. My plot consisted of her husband going away on a "buisness trip" however a soldier arrives at her door to tell her he's died and it wasn't any normal buisness trip. She then goes back to England for help. That is all I have and I need to know what her husband really was doing and the remainder of the story, and some name ideas would be good.

It isn't the complete start it is simply my first three paragraphs, I have loads more but I feel this is the section that needs most editing.

soggytoast
January 17th '10, 11:48 AM
you start your coursework a year early? at GCSE level you can do it all the night before and get an A*.....trust me.