Baldr
March 27th '10, 11:23 AM
"36-24-36? Ha ha, only if she's 5'3"."
Baldr is annoyed and bamboozled about a topic that has plagued Midgard for far too long. In reality, it's a fairly new occurrence, but such inanities existing for even a microsecond of Baldr's reign over Midgard is too damn long! We have entered the Age of the Walrus. You fat, bleeding heart, dick cheese adorned imbeciles perpetuate this and Baldr will not stand for it! No, he won't! He is declaring war on obesity!
One too many times, Baldr has been asked "Why do fat chicks exist?" To which, Baldr has an answer, though the impending notion of Ragnarok has made their numbers exacerbate the initial purpose. Fat chicks are on the rise, ladies and gentlemen! But Baldr digresses.
For some time, you have wondered why such disgusting creatures exist. Well, like any fowl or insect, they serve a purpose. You see, the once rare bloated fuckbitch -- now, overpopulating the very streams of society -- exists as a catalyst for beta males into alphahood.
Socially awkward men, these are your openings. And while Baldr, himself, has never had to experience such an abomination, these creatures exist so that you might develop an air of confidence. This is why fat chicks cycle through so many mates. Because they go for the dormant alpha male, who develops their awesome and then kicks them to the curb like the grotesque anal varmints that they are to prowl the seas for worthy mates.
Unfortunately, Midgard's grotesque, lientery-dipped media has sullied hindsight of their purpose and have given them the convoluted idea that they are, somehow, "people" who deserve "rights" and "freedoms". In fact, contrary to the liberal guilt that pervades your pinko satellite and is headbanged into your skull by your pansy ass hippie professors -- these animals are shelved on higher regard than those of us who don't waste away our days with a box of ice cream, watching reruns of Richard Simmons and Oprah Winfrey, while wallowing in a deserted, malnourished societal bubble.
We are taught that the frame which Baldr has weened into man's mind as attractive through his miraculous, beautifying hand... is unappealing! Such atrocities against what is pretty is a direct affront to Baldr's divinity and is putting him out of a job!
And Baldr knows that, in the back of your minds, you don't believe the disjointed balderdash that permeates from your lips like the ever compelling scent of fecal matter from the lips Jack Thompson. But we have to be "sensitive" and "empathetic" and "nice". Shut the fuck up and tell that grotesque bitch to go on a diet before Baldr strikes you with his enormous genitalia.
Fuck.
Baldr is annoyed and bamboozled about a topic that has plagued Midgard for far too long. In reality, it's a fairly new occurrence, but such inanities existing for even a microsecond of Baldr's reign over Midgard is too damn long! We have entered the Age of the Walrus. You fat, bleeding heart, dick cheese adorned imbeciles perpetuate this and Baldr will not stand for it! No, he won't! He is declaring war on obesity!
One too many times, Baldr has been asked "Why do fat chicks exist?" To which, Baldr has an answer, though the impending notion of Ragnarok has made their numbers exacerbate the initial purpose. Fat chicks are on the rise, ladies and gentlemen! But Baldr digresses.
For some time, you have wondered why such disgusting creatures exist. Well, like any fowl or insect, they serve a purpose. You see, the once rare bloated fuckbitch -- now, overpopulating the very streams of society -- exists as a catalyst for beta males into alphahood.
Socially awkward men, these are your openings. And while Baldr, himself, has never had to experience such an abomination, these creatures exist so that you might develop an air of confidence. This is why fat chicks cycle through so many mates. Because they go for the dormant alpha male, who develops their awesome and then kicks them to the curb like the grotesque anal varmints that they are to prowl the seas for worthy mates.
Unfortunately, Midgard's grotesque, lientery-dipped media has sullied hindsight of their purpose and have given them the convoluted idea that they are, somehow, "people" who deserve "rights" and "freedoms". In fact, contrary to the liberal guilt that pervades your pinko satellite and is headbanged into your skull by your pansy ass hippie professors -- these animals are shelved on higher regard than those of us who don't waste away our days with a box of ice cream, watching reruns of Richard Simmons and Oprah Winfrey, while wallowing in a deserted, malnourished societal bubble.
We are taught that the frame which Baldr has weened into man's mind as attractive through his miraculous, beautifying hand... is unappealing! Such atrocities against what is pretty is a direct affront to Baldr's divinity and is putting him out of a job!
And Baldr knows that, in the back of your minds, you don't believe the disjointed balderdash that permeates from your lips like the ever compelling scent of fecal matter from the lips Jack Thompson. But we have to be "sensitive" and "empathetic" and "nice". Shut the fuck up and tell that grotesque bitch to go on a diet before Baldr strikes you with his enormous genitalia.
Fuck.