Odin's Guide to a Bachelor Pad

[Odin]

I haven't written a guide for you guys in a while, and recent life events have prompted me to spruce up my living quarters, and what I've found I will share.

See, when I had my apartment in college, it was a college apartment. It was a nice looking space...that was full of pizza boxes and beer cans. That is acceptable in college and girls don't really care if it's messy. Plus, you're never in your room that much anyway (if you do it right) so you really don't mind.

That being said, having a pimpin' bachelor pad once you're a professional in the working force is required. I never advocate doing anything for women, but this is one instance where you're going to need to cater to the ladies a little bit, men. Let's face it...if your place smells like a foot locker, you're not getting laid. In college, it's fine if your place smells like a brewery and emergency room waiting area, but not once you have money and the girls aren't as drunk as you are when you fuck. That's one reason. The other is having a good space to come home to is mentally soothing for you after a long day of work. You need a place that's well ordered, so YOU are well ordered. And comfortable. Comfort is key.

That being said, I checked Maxim, Askmen.com and a few other sites for some bachelor pad advice, and this is the amalgam of what I got, plus add in my own personal taste and what I already had in my place before I decked out the Man Cave.

1. Bed - have a bed, gentlemen. Make sure it's at least a Full. Not a twin...and not an air mattress. You're a big boy now, start sleeping like one (and just maybe someone will sleep with you).

2. Couch/recliner combo - Self explanatory. You need a comfortable space to relax. Remember, this is all for you.

3. Flat Screen TV - It's 2010, men. No more analog boxy sets. Buy one that is appropriate for the size of your room. If you have a small place, don't buy a 50incher because then it will be like sitting in the front row of a movie theater. No one likes that. Have an appropriate table or nice looking stand.

4. Some form of entertainment - Mine happens to be an XBOX. But remember, you're going to be alone in your pad sometimes. You can only masturbate so many times in a day, and what are you really gonna do after 30 seconds anyway? Besides, my Beatles Rock Band set up adds some nice flavor to the room.

5. Book Case - Keeps your books organized and let's girls know you're not an idiot. Even if you are. Perception is reality, boys.

6. Minibar - All the websites were pretty adamant about this. Have a well stocked minibar in full view. Its a manly way to decorate and take up space. Now you don't need to hang a picture in that corner, aren't you happy? Leave a couple of Martini glasses out, you'll look like a stud, stud.

7. Coffee/Espresso machine - Makes you look classy, plus coffee is awesome and a necessity in the work force. I, personally, have one of those single cup Keurigs. They're awesome and pretty cost effective in the long run. It's about the only time I ever spend in the kitchen.

8. Man Art - that's art for men, not art OF men. You're gonna need some gentlemen. Bare walls are depressing. It makes it look like you're living in a jail. But don't go out and buy some reprints of Vincent Van Gogh (unless you happen to like his art style), but get things that make you comfortable and tell the ladies that you're a man. This is your Man Cave, remember that. Things I have adorning my walls: a holographic classic Jack Daniels ad; a 1950s style pin up girl (not nude though, remember, don't wanna be a creep); a photo reprint of 1930s boys standing in front of the classic Yankee Stadium, The Good Ol' 'Merican Flag and two posters, John Belushi in Animal House and the Officer Rules of the Wedding Crasher (college relics but I refuse to take them down).

9. Miscellaneous Style Points: These are just things you personally like. I am in the market right now for a full bear skin rug. Haven't bought one yet, but that will be the center piece of my room. I also have zebra print sheets (fuck you if you don't think that's pimp) and will be buying a leopard print slip cover for my couch. The look I'm going for is over the wall tacky to the point of being endearing. My personality can pull it off. That's what I want my apartment to say. I also have a chrome backed clock with a red face on my wall that goes well with my flag. In fact...

10. Clock - you need to get one, gentlemen. My friend, who is an art major, put it to me this way, "If you can find a piece that helps tie the room together, a piece that compliments the rest of your things, it shows that you have style and class and that you are in control of your domain and life."

Remember, a lot of this is stylistic choice. Your apartment is an extension of your personality. It's where you go to be you. It has to make you comfortable. It's also a message you tell the girls you bring to your apartment. Just like the way you dress says something to women (e.g. , this guy takes care of himself or this guy is a slob), where you live has an equal, if not greater impact.

So speaketh Odin.

[Njord]

I can like this shit on Facebook. Done.

edit -
Undone until I can figure out how to block the world from seeing my likes

[LoveBullets]

Man Art - that's art for men, not art OF men
I gotta say, I was confused for a sec there by the title.

[Njord]

Just to expand on the ideas presented in this guide:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBRL7D0wcXM

[gabzillasaurus]

Just to expand on the ideas presented in this guide:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IBRL7D0wcXM

I knew you were going to post that. It was the first thing that came to mind when I saw this thread.

[lawlseanny]

Mr. Chi City is awesome.

[kirsch]

Gee, I had always figured that the girls would bring over the beds and clocks and stuff.

Thank Odin for this totally useful topick, now that I know bare walls are depressing I can totally get laid and junk.

[LoveBullets]

I knew you were going to post that. It was the first thing that came to mind when I saw this thread.
Same.

[Odin]

Gee, I had always figured that the girls would bring over the beds and clocks and stuff.

Thank Odin for this totally useful topick, now that I know bare walls are depressing I can totally get laid and junk.


Not everyone is too cool for school like you, slugger.

[kirsch]

No seriously, this is just a list of things that are in any given room.

Gee, you are too good for massive televisions, good for you. Can you even buy those anymore ? ? ?

[Odin]

Here's one thing you'll learn: common sense...not that common.

I have buddies that sit on milk crates and sleep on air beds, and they've had their apartments for months now.

[kirsch]

I guess my gripe is that I dun want those people reproducing. :s

[Malarkey]

Here's one thing you'll learn: common sense...not that common.

I have buddies that sit on milk crates and sleep on air beds, and they've had their apartments for months now.

Milk crates...really?

[lawlseanny]

Hell, even my broke ass has couches, though my giant TV is def worth it. Fuck yall haters.

[Odin]

I guess my gripe is that I dun want those people reproducing. :s
That's an improper attitude.

You need to coach, teach and mentor these people so that they may better themselves.

You don't shoot a dog the first time he pisses on your floor. You potty train it.

And they say they don't need any more because they want to live an spartan-esque lifestyle. I say they're idiots. We debate furiously daily.

[Tobifreed]

"You can only masturbate so many times in a day"
The fuck does that mean?

Anywho. Nicely done.

[Odin]

It means if you're a man, bored and alone, you'll wind up masturbating.

But you can only do that so many times a day before you start shooting blanks.

C'mon, men, THINK!

[kirsch]

That's an improper attitude.

You need to coach, teach and mentor these people so that they may better themselves.

Get yer genes out of my pool , yo

[Tobifreed]

It means if you're a man, bored and alone, you'll wind up masturbating.

But you can only do that so many times a day before you start shooting blanks.

C'mon, men, THINK!

You haven't even met me have you?

[Odin]

Remember that next time you need help with something and someone who could have helped you refuses on those same grounds.


YOU WILL RUE THE DAY! RUE I SAY!

[lawlseanny]

Brb, rueing the day

[Shane]

Love it. That's totally awesome.

been wondering what to put above my TV in my room for a while now. I think I'mma get a clock or maybe a few, different timezones and all that jazz. :)

[nyx]

I'd sleep with the man that owned that room.

[Andy C]

http://img52.imageshack.us/img52/2756/bedm.jpg (http://img52.imageshack.us/i/bedm.jpg/)

[nyx]

I'd have to close the curtains on that bad boy, wouldn't want all the fish watching me have sex, that'd be sooo off putting.

[Andy C]

Could look at it as pretty cool roleplay o.O

Oh you mutinous swine, dock that stern at me Davey Jones' Locker so that I may reduce your ship to rubble and procure me treasure. Be avin' ya screamin' I'm king o' the world in no time, arr.

[Odin]

I'd sleep with the man that owned that room.
You'd do it anyway...but the apt helps.

[HeartStopper]

Thanks for this guide. I will get right on decorating my room according to the advice of some fuckin' stranger.

Odin you're such a desperate people pleaser; you're the most needy person I've ever seen. The way you constantly seek third party approval even over things such as your room which should be one of the most personal things you possess.

You're a fag.

[Dorian Gray]

Thanks for this guide. I will get right on decorating my room according to the advice of some fuckin' stranger.

Odin you're such a desperate people pleaser; you're the most needy person I've ever seen. The way you constantly seek third party approval even over things such as your room which should be one of the most personal things you possess.

You're a fag.

lol u mad

[Darts]

http://img52.imageshack.us/img52/2756/bedm.jpg (http://img52.imageshack.us/i/bedm.jpg/)

I wouldn't care about the fish watching.... :P

[Odin]

Working out, dressing right, having proper manners in public and the decorations of your apartment all say a lot about the respect YOU have for YOURSELF!

If you're fat, smelly, wear sweat suits with stains on them, constantly scratch yourself when talking to tea-drinking British ladies and live on an air mattress while watching your 12' TV with rabbit ears on your milk crate, then what do you think that says about you as a person?

It means you're undisciplined lazy slob who is perfectly fine wallowing in his own filth (figuratively and literally) and are a disorganized person to the core.

If you're in shape, dress for the occasion (don't wear a Tux to a football game), address strangers you don't know as "sir" or "ma'am" and try to keep the profanity down in public, and you live in a well organized, yet carefully personalized room, then it shows you're a reliable person of character to the core.

Which would you rather be? All our outward possessions are a clue to our inner selves. Along the same vein of Benjamin Franklin's "Poor Richard's Almanack: "If you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas." He was referring to other people judging you by the company you keep. Same goes for decorations you hang.

On a side note, my pin up girl arrived today.
http://artfiles.art.com/5/p/LRG/15/1549/YM1DD00Z/vaughan-bass-pin-up-girl-with-towel.jpg
This beauty now adorns my wall. Above my leopard couch.

Of course.

[lawlseanny]

Not sure if you're serious about a leopard couch, but if you are, that's just a wee bit homo. Unless, of course, you said no homo when you bought it. Then it's perfectly acceptable.

[Odin]

Well I needed something to match my zebra sheets!


Seriously, I went over the top tacky with my 1970s pimp motif.

Think Otter in Animal House.

[Malarkey]

If you're in shape, dress for the occasion (don't wear a Tux to a football game), address strangers you don't know as "sir" or "ma'am" and try to keep the profanity down in public, and you live in a well organized, yet carefully personalized room, then it shows you're a reliable person of character to the core.

I don't know. While I agree with you in spirit, and I understand where you're coming from, I have a few quibbles. While keeping up appearances is nice (and necessary to get along in the society if you don't want to make any waves) my room is the one place that is my retreat from the world. It's not a public place. I don't "carefully personalize" it. Your intentions are good in advocating that people should reflect on what their rooms/apartments/living spaces say about their selves, but I don't think the other extreme of only allowing small touches of your personality in something as personal as your room is good either. I do restrain myself a bit when I'm decorating an area, as not every idea I have is a good or practical one, but I do like to let my personality shine through most of my selections. To analogize: I'd rather have a colorful but nicely-balanced painting, one that I really enjoy, rather than a mostly blank canvas with a few splashes of color in carefully selected spots that I'm neutral about or that I only like a little bit.


Which would you rather be? All our outward possessions are a clue to our inner selves. Along the same vein of Benjamin Franklin's "Poor Richard's Almanack: "If you lie down with dogs, you wake up with fleas." He was referring to other people judging you by the company you keep. Same goes for decorations you hang.

This is true, which is why I think that making living spaces (especially bedrooms) extremely personal is a good idea. There are few other places that you can express yourself so fully without consequences. Decorating with what's "proper" or "acceptable" instead of decorating as your truly wish to decorate might as well say: "I'm ashamed of my inner self." It's hiding, and the people you're trying to impress with "your" style will find out who you are eventually. Why not give them a more accurate taste sooner?

[Njord]

That was what he was suggesting. However, there is a difference between personalizing and having a shitty and messy living space. If no one but you and your parents and long time boyfriend/girlfriend come to your place, then sure. However, a bachelor pad is a social gathering spot. It's where your friends come to watch games and chill with a pack of beer, where girls come to visit you after work/clubbing/sneaking out from their husbands, and where random friends/acquaintances may come to celebrate random success/accomplishment of the week.

I agree that a bedroom may be your own personal space, but as for your living quarters - like with anything else in life - You always want to present your best self [Courtesy of Neil Strauss]

[Malarkey]

That was what he was suggesting. However, there is a difference between personalizing and having a shitty and messy living space. If no one but you and your parents and long time boyfriend/girlfriend come to your place, then sure. However, a bachelor pad is a social gathering spot. It's where your friends come to watch games and chill with a pack of beer, where girls come to visit you after work/clubbing/sneaking out from their husbands, and where random friends/acquaintances may come to celebrate random success/accomplishment of the week.

I agree that a bedroom may be your own personal space, but as for your living quarters - like with anything else in life - You always want to present your best self [Courtesy of Neil Strauss]

That's mostly what my quibble was with. A bedroom IS a part of a bachelor pad, and while, as I said, I agree with the most part with what Odin said, if most of your apartment or "bachelor pad" is for the sake of others, then your bedroom should be for your own sake - in my opinion. I highly doubt that random dude and his bachelor friends are all going to go hang out in his room. And if any girl he brings in is completely offended by his decorating taste/personality then it probably wasn't meant to be, or he has much bigger problems than picking out an ugly cuckoo clock, as in his personality itself needs some de-creeping.

I wasn't arguing with him saying that you should try to keep things neat, but keeping things "carefully personalized" in the bedroom, at the very least, is a bit too restrained for my taste. The "best self" thing is fair enough. But if your "best self" is only the self that you break out for weddings and funerals then it's not really your best self so much as an temporary illusion for other people's sake. I just believe that keeping up "appearances" everywhere 24/7 is exhausting. There should be one place that makes you happy, where, for the most part, you don't have to worry about others. That place is the bedroom.

[Odin]

Let me clarify, what I meant by "carefully personalized" is just what you're talking about. What makes you, you! What makes you comfortable. This is your living space.

Like I've stated about my living space, for example, I have a pin up girl, animal print covers on my couch and bed, a Jack Daniel's holographic painting and a minibar amongst other things. I have a very wild personality (in case you haven't gotten that), so there goes the animal stuff. I also come from a drinking culture and used to bartend, so I like the bar set up plus Jack Daniel's shit. Plus I'm extremely extroverted with a high ego and a good sense of humor. The animal shit IS tacky...but I don't care. I pull it off. I'm also an unabashed poon-hound. I want that to be apparent from the second you walk in. In a classy way...of course.

The carefully part of the personalizing is that it has to look neat. I can't just have a jumbled mishmash of animal print crap everywhere and paintings that don't mesh well together all strewn about.

Now, you bring up your bedroom. Will my buddies be drinking beer on my bed? No. This is my room, as you said. That's why I have a nice photo print/painting (don't know which it is...not an art guy) of Yankee Stadium on my wall. I'm a NY Yankees fan, no matter where I travel or live, that fact remains. But, it's a nice black and white photo that goes well with the zebra (I think so, anyway). It's mine and it makes me comfortable...but it still looks good.

You don't have to sacrifice style when working on your individuality. You can still be bat shit insane and make it look nice. At least, that's what I've endeavored to do, as I'm pretty sure I'm not too far from insanity.

How does all this work? Well, everything I've got another anecdote, so gather round, children.

Last night, I was able to entertain a lady at my newly revamped residence. First in my new town. She showed up to our date wearing a zebra-print top. I make a mental note under the "jackpot" category. We have a few drinks over some hibachi and head back to my place. She walks in, immediately sees my leopard print couch cover and then looked up and sees the pin up girl hanging there. She says she loves it, then tells me she has a leopard purse (like I care). Her eyes naturally flow to my TV stand where my rock band set is off to the side. She suggests we play some rock band because she thinks it looks fun. Then she checks out the book shelf, says she likes the fact I have an extensive library. Turns around, sees the minibar, likes my martini glasses and selection. Then she saw the zebra sheets and melted.

Pretty much, everything I wanted to convey about me worked and she dug every second of it.

...although we did play rock band for an hour, and it's kinda hard to get touchy when you're both concentrating on the game...I may have to rethink that....hmmm

[Darts]

Zebra print and leopard print on furniture = no fucking way.

[Odin]

It's not my fault you can't pull it off. Don't hate! Haha!

[Darts]

I'd say you're a genius if you CAN pull it off but I'm not buying it, pics or your room looks shit tbqh

[Odin]

Don't you worry, I make it happen.

[Darts]

Good good! *sits back and waits*