Difficult Situation

[Mamfy]

As you probably all know weve been talking about what attracts us, and most of us have said that personality is more important, and that you shouldnt base anyone purely on their looks, but then im faced with a problem...

Ive known this guy for over a year, and weve been friends and we are, a few months back he asked me out and i said no coz i wasnt ready for one(id just split up with my other boyfriend and wasnt prepared to jump right into a new relationship) Then weve been getting friendly again, and hes told me he loves me and wants nothing more than to be with me. Hes a really sweet guy, he has everything, he is honest, funny, caring, loving, laid back, cool, and he has quite a good dress sense. But, the big downer, i dont feel attracted to him, looks wise. I really like him and all, but what should i do? I cant go out with him if im not attracted to him but i dont want to hurt his feelings. Anyone got any useful advice on this topic?

Thanx, in advance:)

[*fender.chiq*]

I realised I've been in pretty simelar situations. I've gone out with someone, who I adored, but only personality wise. But I realised I wasn't attracted to them looks wise. Tbh, I don't know whether that was good or bad.

I'm pretty stumped on this one mamfy, it's upto you I think basically, and whether you'd feel comfortable being closer than you are now and he able to love him for those little things and his perosonality instead of being attracted his looks.. Can you be attracted to his personality?

[Jessicar]

Ahh...yes, thats the problem.
Often, you have to be fully attracted to a guy, even looks wise, to start a relationship with them. But it works without being attracted looks wise, if you know them over a long time, and you are the one to fancy them first. I think the attraction with looks is important if they are the ones to fancy you. if you get me. Maybe, over time, you will feel more attracted to his personality, and forget about the looks. but im like fender, and im stumped on this one too.

[*fender.chiq*]

Glad I'm not the only one Jess, lol

[Jessicar]

Im slow remember :P
you must be too XD

[Mamfy]

Yeah, im attracted to his personality but i dont think it is enough to be able to forget about his looks and get with him. I hope im not sounding really shallow here, but looks are still important to me and i dont think i can cope with it right now.

[xXxI.Got.Them.Emo.EyesxXx]

Chances are if you're not attracted to him, the relationship won't be that great. Even though it's shallow, attraction is what puts the spark in a relationship. The best thing to do is wait it out and see what happens. If you can't picture yourself holding hands and walking somewhere in public with him comfortably, then you'll never feel comfortable with it.

[Mamfy]

But hes so nice to me! Thats whats so hard, he says these great things to me and he cant stop talking about me, and he has the personality ive been waiting for! I just cant imagine kissing him and stuff, its horrible:(

[Jessicar]

^^^ i agree.
this guy may be really sweet, but if it doesnt feel right to you, it wont work.you need to follow your heart.

[Jessicar]

But hes so nice to me! Thats whats so hard, he says these great things to me and he cant stop talking about me, and he has the personality ive been waiting for! I just cant imagine kissing him and stuff, its horrible:(
thats the thing though. if he truly loves you, he will respect your decision, and be willing to just be friends. you cant just do something you dont want, if your not happy with it. it would be unfair to him, and to you. no matter how harsh it will be at first :( you cant just be with him to keep him happy, and not take into account your own happiness. he wouldnt want that. and itd be unfair to pretend its what you want, because hed feel you felt the same way about him. it doesnt work with only love from one person.

[xXxI.Got.Them.Emo.EyesxXx]

But hes so nice to me! Thats whats so hard, he says these great things to me and he cant stop talking about me, and he has the personality ive been waiting for! I just cant imagine kissing him and stuff, its horrible:(


I know, hun...but attraction is such a big part of a relationship. Why date someone that you're not attracted to? In the end it'll hurt both of you more than not dating would. I went through this with my friend Pat. He liked me, but I wasen't attracted to him in that way at ALL. We just stayed friends and he's one of the best friends I could have ever asked for. We still hang out and joke around, but we know that there'll never be anything between us...at least not at the moment.

[Jessicar]

i hope everything turns out ok for you mamfy :)

[Mamfy]

Thanx:D its just, i feel bad saying no to him twice! I think he'll completely go off me as a friend, and he apparently never stops talking about me to his best mate, his best mate knows everything about me! Because of this guy.

Argh its so annoying sometimes! Love sucks, but you gotta love it:D haha

[xXxI.Got.Them.Emo.EyesxXx]

If he cares that much about you I doubt he'll end your friendship.

[Mamfy]

I hope not! Thanx girlies for your advice:D you're all great!!

Now i need to hear what the guys think:P

[Mikhael]

well well well look who has a problem now ;)
^^^^ well last time i check i fitted into that catogory so ill try an answer if u really h8 hit tell him some guys need to be brot down hard cos they wont belive u if u let them down gently . if u want to date him u shood but thats competely ur choice or do wot i do if sm1 u really fancie him but dont like him as a person go by my rules as a teenage Scot
-date them
-do them
-dump them
thats wot i would do if ii were u . but am not so its ur choice .

[HunnyBunches]

do them! that's taking it a bit far cause remember these are girls your talking to.

[Mikhael]

hmm.. okay "let them do u " is that ok

[*fender.chiq*]

Lmao!!

[Mamfy]

yeah well i decided to post a problem seeing as most people had and i felt left out:( lol

and bob, put it this way, if i dont want to kiss him because of his looks, whats it gonna be like if were hot under the covers, ey?didnt think about that now did ya!?:P lol

and no, im not letting him 'do me'

[Mikhael]

lol ... well y wont to pull him cos of his looks ???

[Mamfy]

why dont i want to pull him coz of his looks?

coz, you want to close your eyes kissing someone who you like the look of, and you wnat to open your eyes finishing kissing to someone you like the look of-agree?

[*fender.chiq*]

It's the opening eyes bit mamfy, you're right. Lol.

But if you love the person, then you learn to love their looks no matter what really.

However.. if you're me, you close your eyes to kiss the person and don't open them again till bloody ages after, lolololol.

[Bob!]

I can really see u bein one o theose girls who falls asleep at a hot moment in later life nat, ur really gunna insult the poor guy lol. :rolleyes:

And no mamfy, cause yer supposed to realise what ya want for u an the person an the future before ya start thinkin about that kinda stuff. If ya learn to love sumone then ya accept their looks, an love the look of what they are, not just what they look like.

Lol, womens priorities.

[Mamfy]

thanx but i dont know whether that was a rather mean post or a nice one. Were you trying to say that i dont have my priporities straight and that iom shallow to be thinking about looks?:S

[SG's lil babe]

I think if you like this person so much then you can try and get over the looks. But don't let him think that you find his looks horrible if there is any chance of you and him going out. You need to work out whether you can see yourself in public with him, and be proud and learn to love him or...not.

[Mamfy]

This is an old topic. Let;s not bring it back from the dead


Apologies

[*Jess*]

It may have needed digging up from its grave anyway, but oh well.

[Mamfy]

It didn't.

Believe meh.

[*Jess*]

Oh yeah
didnt realise yer were the starter of this.
sorreh, haha

[Mamfy]

haha no worries:)

[-Snake-]

Ya see i've been that guy, cuz i dint always look as good as I do now ;)

It may sound weird but give him a chance, he may grow on ya if not thats that...

[Bob!]

I think shes got a diff bf anyways now greg, this topic is ancient, although what you say is true lol.

Want me to close it mamfy? (Itl still be readable for people to see the discussion)

I think the forum got confused when linking topics, (both were called sticky situation)

[qwassymodo]

I don't mean to be harsh, but if there was someone who loved ME that much and who was that nice, I would find a way to be with them.