My... self...

[Invincible_Mind]

I am going to try and keep this short after I've written things like this, which where too long for people to bother reading before.

I am 17, I will be 18 in a few weeks. I have never had a girlfreind, and when I say that, I don't mean it how some other people do. I've never had a girlfreind, or a girl I've gone out with, a girl who was a good freind, or a girl, who was even someone I knew. I'm going to go a step further, and this is where it gets really pathetic, I consider it lucky to even exchange a word or two with a girl, or if she even catches eyes with me.

This is undoubtably down to my unbeleivably over shyness. I don't know what the official problem is, but I know there is one, I've seen people who are shy, but still manage to come-out, even a little bit and make some freinds. I have never had any medication, but I have recently been reading about something called "Selective Mutism", which I think I could possibly have.

Recently, this has began to bother me even more, more than it did before.

I've liked many girls, as everyone probably has, growing-up, but as you can tell from the above, it has never gone anywhere. I don't really want to be like that anymore, the new girl I like, is going the same-way all the previous ones went. I don't know her personally, I'd like to be her freind. But yesturday, my school finished for the year, and I won't see her again until next year, that's only a few weeks, though. But it seems to be a preview of what is to come, if I don't find some way to fix myself.


I've gone to see a Psychiatrist before, but it didn't do anything, and I didn't like anyway. I have considered the possibility of getting a Hypnotist, which evenhough it sounds far-fetched, seems like a good solution to me.


One of the reasons it's bothering me so much is that I'm quite unhappy at the moment, but when I think of that girl, despair crosses my mind, not for her, but about me and not having anything to do with her. The feeling is a despair, with confussion and other depressing emotions.


All this, and I haven't even spoken to her yet...

[Gretchen]

ok, i'm aquointed with your simpoms. i'm 18 and i know quite a few guys like that. most of them however talked to me for some reason. well may be i'm a people person and i like talk AND listen. anyway, do you have any problems talking to girls online or over the phone? do you ppanic when you do talk to them? it is actually good that you know your problem (sort of) and are willing to change! that's awsome cos some people don;t want any changes cos they are scared. but there is nothing wrong with trying you know. cos if you try u might fail, but you are doomed if u don't try. if u say yourself i will try to talk to some girl tomorrow and the next day you will say the same thing, you will never get anywhere! so, today, just go to the mall or wherever and ask for directions of some ineresting store from some girl. she doesn't have to be beautiful... just some girl... 14 20... 80 years old.... it doesn't matter for now! it's actually better i think that your girl that u like is not gonna be seeing u for a while, cos u won't do anything wrong with her... but now u should have practice with others and when u meet again she will feel the difference in you and she will notice u! and that's good! try talking to grandmas, they actually are sometimes helpful... and try just talking to random people on the bus, cos no one cares .... talk to the driver cos at least, where i live drivers are the best psychologists ever and are very social... just do not give up on your dream!

[~Wayne~]

Its a good idea to get a good female friend to start, that could help I guess.

[Chris]

I kind of know how you feel, i used to be extremely quiet around girls, i'm not really anymore though, mainly due to some of my friends having girlfriends and me starting to talk to them. If any of your friends have gf's then that's probably a good way to get talking to girls in a friendly way.

Either that or go out to a pub/club when you turn 18 (unless you live in America, in which case as you will know you can't legally until you're 21). You'd be surprised how much you talk when you're drinking alcohol (in moderation), recently in a pub i asked to see a tattoo on a girls crotch :o lol:naughty: . A few years ago i would have just sat there and said nothing.

[Guest]

I have learnt to accept myself like this in the past, but I don't really want to be like this anymore, even if it means changing myself for the rest of my life, and replace the quiet, shy/silent person, with a new person. I'm quite worried that if the change does go ahead, that some people will say that they liked the "old me", wouldn't that be irony?

It's at times like this when I really hate being like this; especially when you like a girl, and can't even say 1 word to her.

There are more things I wish to say, but they are more-so lame and sad then the things said before, so I may post them later.

[Nintendus]

I am in a similar situation to you, except I am getting better. I can now maintain a proper conversation with most girls, but I am still too shy around them and I would hardly class any as good friends, as much as I would like to.

I offer no advice as the problem for me has never been solved, but as stated above it has gotten better for me, simply through development.

[Stumpy]

i think all you need to do is change some of the things that your not happy with about yourself
or possibly your image and think about otheres will view you normally i wouldnt tell you to change anything about yourself but i think your in need or drastic measures
i agree with the idea or the gym because you'll be getting two things at once from it
a new social activity wich will give you a chance to talk to new
people and also it'll give you a new body image

or you could just try and be more spontaneus and just be compleatly outrageous go wild and jst act crazy and keep telling yourself that you dont care what anybody else thinks of you if they dont like you then its their loss

thats what i did and people love me for the fact that im always up for a lugh and that ill do anything and most of all because i have confidence in myself and in return people have confidence in me

[KathyN]

I have an idea that might sound ridiculous, join a dance club for beginners, there is one for every age. There are a lot of girls their and you will be attached with one. Just talk to the instructor first or right a letter with an explanation of the situation. This might help a lot.

[Fields]

OK, this may sound rediculous but just take it in...

Shyness is the result of an overly large ego. A shy person is always thinking that people are looking for faults in them, looking for somthing wrong etc. The shy person needs to realize that this is not the case.

When you feel yourself becoming shy just think "no ones paying attention to me" because in reality they are not. You do not have a disorder, this again is just your overly large ego.

Think about it, you don't look for faults in everyone, you probably don't even notice most people.

The solution to your problem needs to come from within, not from some specialist. Learn how to kill your ego and begin to rebuild it as your new self.