Difficult Situation

Mamfy · August 19th '05

As you probably all know weve been talking about what attracts us, and most of us have said that personality is more important, and that you shouldnt base anyone purely on their looks, but then im faced with a problem...

Ive known this guy for over a year, and weve been friends and we are, a few months back he asked me out and i said no coz i wasnt ready for one(id just split up with my other boyfriend and wasnt prepared to jump right into a new relationship) Then weve been getting friendly again, and hes told me he loves me and wants nothing more than to be with me. Hes a really sweet guy, he has everything, he is honest, funny, caring, loving, laid back, cool, and he has quite a good dress sense. But, the big downer, i dont feel attracted to him, looks wise. I really like him and all, but what should i do? I cant go out with him if im not attracted to him but i dont want to hurt his feelings. Anyone got any useful advice on this topic?

Thanx, in advance

*fender.chiq* · August 19th '05

I realised I've been in pretty simelar situations. I've gone out with someone, who I adored, but only personality wise. But I realised I wasn't attracted to them looks wise. Tbh, I don't know whether that was good or bad.

I'm pretty stumped on this one mamfy, it's upto you I think basically, and whether you'd feel comfortable being closer than you are now and he able to love him for those little things and his perosonality instead of being attracted his looks.. Can you be attracted to his personality?

Jessicar · August 19th '05

Ahh...yes, thats the problem.
Often, you have to be fully attracted to a guy, even looks wise, to start a relationship with them. But it works without being attracted looks wise, if you know them over a long time, and you are the one to fancy them first. I think the attraction with looks is important if they are the ones to fancy you. if you get me. Maybe, over time, you will feel more attracted to his personality, and forget about the looks. but im like fender, and im stumped on this one too.

*fender.chiq* · August 19th '05

Glad I'm not the only one Jess, lol

Jessicar · August 19th '05

Im slow remember

you must be too XD

Mamfy · August 19th '05

Yeah, im attracted to his personality but i dont think it is enough to be able to forget about his looks and get with him. I hope im not sounding really shallow here, but looks are still important to me and i dont think i can cope with it right now.

xXxI.Got.Them.Emo.EyesxXx · August 19th '05

Chances are if you're not attracted to him, the relationship won't be that great. Even though it's shallow, attraction is what puts the spark in a relationship. The best thing to do is wait it out and see what happens. If you can't picture yourself holding hands and walking somewhere in public with him comfortably, then you'll never feel comfortable with it.

Mamfy · August 19th '05

But hes so nice to me! Thats whats so hard, he says these great things to me and he cant stop talking about me, and he has the personality ive been waiting for! I just cant imagine kissing him and stuff, its horrible

Jessicar · August 19th '05

^^^ i agree.
this guy may be really sweet, but if it doesnt feel right to you, it wont work.you need to follow your heart.

Jessicar · August 19th '05

Mamfy wrote:

But hes so nice to me! Thats whats so hard, he says these great things to me and he cant stop talking about me, and he has the personality ive been waiting for! I just cant imagine kissing him and stuff, its horrible

thats the thing though. if he truly loves you, he will respect your decision, and be willing to just be friends. you cant just do something you dont want, if your not happy with it. it would be unfair to him, and to you. no matter how harsh it will be at first

you cant just be with him to keep him happy, and not take into account your own happiness. he wouldnt want that. and itd be unfair to pretend its what you want, because hed feel you felt the same way about him. it doesnt work with only love from one person.

xXxI.Got.Them.Emo.EyesxXx · August 19th '05

Mamfy wrote:

But hes so nice to me! Thats whats so hard, he says these great things to me and he cant stop talking about me, and he has the personality ive been waiting for! I just cant imagine kissing him and stuff, its horrible

I know, hun...but attraction is such a big part of a relationship. Why date someone that you're not attracted to? In the end it'll hurt both of you more than not dating would. I went through this with my friend Pat. He liked me, but I wasen't attracted to him in that way at ALL. We just stayed friends and he's one of the best friends I could have ever asked for. We still hang out and joke around, but we know that there'll never be anything between us...at least not at the moment.

Jessicar · August 19th '05

i hope everything turns out ok for you mamfy

Mamfy · August 19th '05

Thanx

its just, i feel bad saying no to him twice! I think he'll completely go off me as a friend, and he apparently never stops talking about me to his best mate, his best mate knows everything about me! Because of this guy.

Argh its so annoying sometimes! Love sucks, but you gotta love it

haha

xXxI.Got.Them.Emo.EyesxXx · August 19th '05

If he cares that much about you I doubt he'll end your friendship.

Mamfy · August 19th '05

I hope not! Thanx girlies for your advice

you're all great!!

Now i need to hear what the guys think

Mikhael · August 19th '05

well well well look who has a problem now

^^^^ well last time i check i fitted into that catogory so ill try an answer if u really h8 hit tell him some guys need to be brot down hard cos they wont belive u if u let them down gently . if u want to date him u shood but thats competely ur choice or do wot i do if sm1 u really fancie him but dont like him as a person go by my rules as a teenage Scot
-date them
-do them
-dump them
thats wot i would do if ii were u . but am not so its ur choice .

HunnyBunches · August 19th '05

do them! that's taking it a bit far cause remember these are girls your talking to.

Mikhael · August 19th '05

hmm.. okay "let them do u " is that ok

*fender.chiq* · August 19th '05

Lmao!!

Mamfy · August 20th '05

yeah well i decided to post a problem seeing as most people had and i felt left out

lol

and bob, put it this way, if i dont want to kiss him because of his looks, whats it gonna be like if were hot under the covers, ey?didnt think about that now did ya!?

lol

and no, im not letting him 'do me'