jokes,jokes and more jokes

STARRY · July 14th '05

this is all

Bob! · July 14th '05

Moved to Humor

**Shane** · July 14th '05

Ok, thats not a very good Joke!!!

Post your jokes here people!!!

Nick · July 14th '05

What's green and smells of pork?
Kermit's Finger!

Mikhael · July 14th '05

wot is blak white and read all over
a penguin wit sunburn lol

**Shane** · July 14th '05

Nick wrote:

What's green and smells of pork?
Kermit's Finger!

Thats one is a classic!!

Mamfy · July 28th '05

why did the teletubbies all go to the toilet together?
coz they only had one tinky winky!!

MathewS · July 28th '05

Hold the Mayo

Two college roommates are about to go to bed. The guy in the top bunk has his girlfriend sleeping over and to try to keep quiet, they devise a code. His girlfrend will say tomato if she wants him to go slower and lettuce for him to go faster. As they begin to have sex, the girl starts to moan, "lettuce,lettuce, tomato, tomato!" The roommate on the bottom bunk wakes up the next morning and says, "Stop making sandwiches at night, you got mayonaise in my eye!"

Mamfy · July 28th '05

haha lol thats good! what dirty people we have in here

jesus'_bright_red_pants · July 28th '05

You are yet to meet Scotty (Britney).....

Mamfy · July 28th '05

uh oh, should i prepare myself? :-s

jesus'_bright_red_pants · July 28th '05

Mamfy wrote:

uh oh, should i prepare myself? :-s

Erm.....YEAH!

Why did the chicken cross the road ?

To get to the other side !

(Ok I forgot my mega cool one!)

MathewS · July 28th '05

One day God calls down to Noah and says, "Noah me old china, I want you to
make me a new Ark".

Noah replies, "No probs God, me old Supreme Being. Anything you want after
all you're the guv'

But God interrupts, "Ah, but there's a catch. This time Noah, I don't want
just a couple of decks, I want 20 decks one on top of the other".

"20 DECKS!" screams Noah "Well, OK Big Man, whatever you say. Should I fill
it up with all the animals just like last time?"

"Yep, that's right, well. Sort of right. This time I want you to fill it up
with fish", God answers.

"Fish?" queries Noah.

"Yep, fish. Well, to make it more specific Noah, I want carp - wall to wall,
floor to ceiling - Carp!"

Noah looks to the skies. "OK God my old mucker, let me get this right, you
want a New Ark?"

"Check".

"With 20 decks, one on top of the other?"

"Check".

"And you want it full of Carp?"
"Check".

"Why?" Asks the perplexed Noah, who was slowly but surely getting to the end
of his tether.

"Dunno", says God, "I just fancied a Multi-Storey Carp Ark".

Mamfy · July 28th '05

lollorz

Mikhael · July 28th '05

did u hear the joke about the magic trackor
it went down the road and turned into a field lol

Drunk_druid · July 30th '05

A woman takes her labrador to the vet. "My dog is cross-eyed. Is there anything you can do for him?" she asks.
"Well," says the vet. "Let's have a look at him."
So he picks up the dog and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth. Finally he says, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to put your dog down."
"What? Just because he's cross-eyed?"
"No, because he's really heavy."
thats a pretty bad one

**Shane** · July 30th '05

Its better than some of the crap you hear!

Drunk_druid · July 30th '05

This is my current fav:
One day a little boy came home from school and said to his mother, "Mummy, today at school I was punished for something I didn't do."
The mother exclaimed, "But thats terrible! I'm going to have a talk with your teacher about this! By the way what is it you didn't do?"
The little boy replied, "My homework."
I like it!!

**Shane** · July 30th '05

I have actually said that one before!!!

Drunk_druid · July 31st '05

cool i just found this one:
This is an actual radio conversation between a US naval ship and the Canadian coast authorities
Canadians (C): Please divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
Americans (A): Recommend you divert your cause 15 degrees to the north to avoid collision.
C: Negative, you will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the south to avoid collision.
A: This is the captain of a US navy ship. I say again, divert your course.
C: No, I say again divert your course.
A: This is the aircraft carrier US Lincoln, the second largest ship in the US atlantic fleet. We are accompanied by three destroyers, three cruisers and numerous support vessels. I demand that you change your course 15 degrees north or counter measures will be undertaken to ensure the safety of this ship.
C: This is a lighthouse, your choice.